While
reading Facebook statuses one day, one of my friends advised others to “forgive
and forget.”
That
saying just irks me. Those who truly believe this have never had to put it to
practice or never had to do it more than once. It becomes useless and laughable
otherwise.
Back
when I was married before, we often sought marital counseling. Every professional advised me to not only
forgive my husband for his transgression, but I also needed to erase what he
had done from my memory in order to truly move forward in our reconciliation.
I
argued he shouldn’t have transgressed in the first place, and he was lucky I
was trying to move past what he had done, but it would be virtually and
clinically impossible to forget.
The
men (yes, they were all men) admonished me that one couldn’t happen without the
other. In true forgiveness, you erase
the hurt, you don’t keep referring to it, and you don’t dwell on it – ever. That
makes sense if you are dealing with someone who is truly repentant.
In
my case, it didn’t matter how many times I forgave my husband, he never gave me
enough time between transgressions to forget any of them.
I
finally decided I had had enough professional advice and thought it out for
myself.
Forgive
and forget? Okay.
I
forgave the counselors for not knowing diddley about real life and then charging
me for it. I forgave my husband for
using this as an opportunity to excuse his lack of morals. And I forgave myself
for falling for all this mumbo jumbo.
Then
I said “forget this” to the marriage and went on with my life. I had better things to do than to waste it on
someone who didn’t deserve to be in it.
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