Skip to main content

How to Celebrate the 4th of July

Dad, as Man of the House, you are In Charge of Entertainment and Grilling, so

1.    Take off early, use Mom’s sedan, and head out of town.  Stop at the first fireworks stand that looks clear of the peering eyes of local law enforcement.  Buy the big, deluxe package of fireworks for the big kids (you and your buds), and a couple of dozen sparklers for the little kids. Stow the loot in the trunk of Mom’s car and take a circuitous route back into town in case you are being followed.

2.    Stop at the first Home Depot or Lowes you come across and buy an American flag kit.  Make sure and read the instructions and get the one that says “Easy to install.”  Also stop by the garden department and buy heavy-duty yard spray – something that will kill all biting insects within a 200-yard radius.

3.    Next drive to a Wal-Mart and buy charcoal, lighter fluid, a Bic lighter, and (again) an easy to install yard game (horse shoes, a volleyball kit, water guns).

4.    Drive home.  Unload loot.  Mow the lawn. Install flag and yard game equipment.

5.    Wait until the cover of dark (if you are under drought restrictions) to water the yard well.  You don’t want “the kids” to start an accidental fire when they play with the sparklers (or the Black Cats).

Mom, you’re In charge of The Healthy, Nutritious Menu and The Overall Ambiance.

6.    First decide on the dessert(s).  Will it be the tri-color fruit, cookie pizza or the ever-popular American flag cake (you know the one – the red velvet sheet cake covered in white frosting, blueberries and strawberries creating the realistic flag design)?

7.    Dad overcooks everything, so go easy on everyone’s digestive tract and load up on hot dogs and hamburgers. Go for the healthy, whole wheat route or go processed all the way.  Your choice.

8.    One can NEVER go wrong with a side of cold watermelon or Blue Bell.

9.    Don’t forget to stop by the mall and take advantage of the summer sales on shorts, tops, and cute sandals to match. Dad could probably use a new shirt.

Oh yeah –

10. Somewhere among all these “to do’s,” let us all try and remember the real reason we’re enjoying this holiday:  Our American freedom – not once in the last 236 years has it ever, truly been “free” – thousands and thousands of American patriots (and their families) paid for it with their lives and continue to do so while we enjoy our picnics.  
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dating Challenged

I stink at dating – always have.I sputter.I hyperventilate.I fail miserably every time. I blame a pathetically underdeveloped gene that got little use before I married in my early twenties, then atrophied, gathering dust and rust, until I became single again in my fifties. I decided to use this defect to my advantage when I needed to do some investigative reporting a few years back.While on a newspaper writing assignment on Boomer-aged dating, I sacrificed my dignity and my vanity for the sake of the story (and I got several).

Thank goodness, HoneyBunch saved me from all this when we married.  (He comes up with the best dates.) I’ve decided I will “show you mine if you show me yours.”I will swap dating horror stories with you, but you have to promise to play along. The trick here is to tell about your worst date in 25 words or less.You must keep it clean and you cannot name names. Our little contest will run only this week and before my next blogger posting. Me first: The facts:My mom f…
8 comments
Read more

Happy Breastday to Me!

I gave myself a very special birthday present this year – I had surgery. Before you think it was to increase, decrease, or “lift” something, let me tell you it was not cosmetic (though I could probably use a few nips and tucks at my age; the infinite number of creams I buy OTC are not working their promised magic). About four or five months ago, I discovered a hard lump about the size of a large marble in my left armpit.  I had been feeling small pangs of pain in my left chest for several months, but I figured it was just my turn to dance with heart disease.  Everyone in my immediate family is diabetic and suffers from strokes or heart attacks, so I thought – here we go; my turn. I was going to tell my internist about the pangs during my next visit, so imagine my surprise when I discovered the lump. The Drama Queen in me immediately manifested herself – cancer, I thought.  I have cancer. I searched some more and found that the texture on the left side of my left breast felt different t…
9 comments
Read more

Grandma’s Dining Table

Twenty five years ago my first husband and I bought a new home with four bedrooms and three baths, but my favorite part of the house was the enormous room you walked into from the front door. It had no dividing wall but the design was to use half of it as a formal living and the other half as a formal dining. From the beginning I decided to make it into one huge dining room that would catch the eye when everyone walked in through the front door of my home.   My three children were very young, but I envisioned them grown and married. We counted five at the time, but one day we would grow to eight, maybe more if we factored in grandchildren, so I bought a table that sat a family of twelve.  My husband thought it silly to look that far ahead and convinced me to buy only ten chairs. The room looked magnificent – the long, majestic table, the ten chairs, the buffet, a couple of real ficus, and a few other nice pieces of furniture – I was pleased. The table lasted longer than the marriage, a…
6 comments
Read more