Dad, as Man of the House, you are In Charge of
Entertainment and Grilling, so
1.
Take
off early, use Mom’s sedan, and head out of town. Stop at the first fireworks stand that looks
clear of the peering eyes of local law enforcement. Buy the big, deluxe package of fireworks for
the big kids (you and your buds), and a couple of dozen sparklers for the
little kids. Stow the loot in the trunk of Mom’s car and take a circuitous
route back into town in case you are being followed.
2.
Stop
at the first Home Depot or Lowes you come across and buy an American flag
kit. Make sure and read the instructions
and get the one that says “Easy to install.”
Also stop by the garden department and buy heavy-duty yard spray –
something that will kill all biting insects within a 200-yard radius.
3.
Next
drive to a Wal-Mart and buy charcoal, lighter fluid, a Bic lighter, and (again)
an easy to install yard game (horse shoes, a volleyball kit, water guns).
4.
Drive
home. Unload loot. Mow the lawn. Install flag and yard game
equipment.
5.
Wait
until the cover of dark (if you are under drought restrictions) to water the
yard well. You don’t want “the kids” to
start an accidental fire when they play with the sparklers (or the Black Cats).
Mom, you’re In charge of The Healthy, Nutritious Menu
and The Overall Ambiance.
6.
First
decide on the dessert(s). Will it be the
tri-color fruit, cookie pizza or the ever-popular American flag cake (you know
the one – the red velvet sheet cake covered in white frosting, blueberries and
strawberries creating the realistic flag design)?
7.
Dad
overcooks everything, so go easy on everyone’s digestive tract and load up on
hot dogs and hamburgers. Go for the healthy, whole wheat route or go processed
all the way. Your choice.
8.
One
can NEVER go wrong with a side of cold watermelon or Blue Bell.
9.
Don’t
forget to stop by the mall and take advantage of the summer sales on shorts,
tops, and cute sandals to match. Dad could probably use a new shirt.
Oh yeah –
10.
Somewhere
among all these “to do’s,” let us all try and remember the real reason we’re enjoying
this holiday: Our American freedom – not
once in the last 236 years has it ever, truly been “free” – thousands and
thousands of American patriots (and their families) paid for it with their
lives and continue to do so while we enjoy our picnics.
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