Okay, sisters, this is how it goes.
I think I may have invented a new genre and you are on the cutting edge of it. It is going to require your cooperation. Can I trust you not to weenie out on me? You will be moving. You will be talking. You will be interacting with the print.
For lack of a better word, I have called this my karaoke column. I played with the thought of calling it kamikaze columnizing, but decided to just show you and you can help me name this new invention later.
Okay, here we go. Remember this will only work if you cooperate and participate. Ready?
All the affirmations are in BOLD LETTERS. Those are your parts. Participation is key.
Step one: turn to the person closest to you and look that person straight in the eye. Once you catch his or her attention (it might just be you in the mirror but that is okay), smile with confidence and say the following words, loudly and proudly: I’M A BOOMER.
Step two (do not be afraid): Stand up, look about the room, daring anyone to look at you. Shoulders back, deep breath, arms straight up and out, and say the following, loudly and proudly: I’M A BOOMER AND PROUD OF IT!
Good, good. You have garnered attention now, sisters! Hang in there. Remember, we lady boomers are the majority in this nation. We rule. We’re hot. We got game (still).
Step three (the clincher): Still standing, throw your head back, find the goddess in you. Run your fingers through your hair, feel your beauty, shiver slightly, and let whoever is in the room with you know who is the real boss. Let out a moan, a groan, a primitive yell, and say the following, loudly and proudly, one more time: I’M BEAUTIFUL. I’M A BOOMER AND I AM PROUD OF IT! (If you want to add a few spontaneous adjectives, hoots, primal yells, that is your business and it adds to the effectiveness of this affirmation.)
Now that you have filled the room with awe and wonder, smile wickedly at each and every person in the room, slowly sit down, smooth you clothes primly, and go back to what you were doing prior to this affirmation.
Very cutting edge, don’t you think?
I will feel you positive energy via the airwaves. Our sisterly boomer moment will transcend time and space. We will be one with the universe, the force, the space-time continuum.
Now, before we end, wet your lips, do one of those breathless thing we do that drive others crazy, and in a sultry voice, just to make sure we have made our point, say it with me:
I AM A BOOMER AND PROUD OF IT.