The first time a boy asked me out
on a date I was fourteen years old. My father allowed me to go to a dance with
him only if my older brother went with us as a chaperone. The moment I
discovered that the boy asked me out because he liked my best friend and he
hoped that by hanging out with me, he could get close to her, I lost all
interest in him. The date was a dud and I never saw him or heard from him
again.
I dated three more times during
high school, but only because my mother forced me to go. They were with boys
who worked with her and needed dates. I
went to an HEB Christmas party, a wedding, and on a double date because of her.
The guys all acted nice around her, but HEB boy stared at my chest all night
long, the wedding dude tried to attack me in the front seat of his car, and my
half of the double date had sweaty palms and a right leg that shook every time
he looked at the hem of my mini dress.
My parents were well intentioned
but very old fashioned. They thought who
they chose could be trusted with their daughter, while I knew the boys put on
one face with them and acted another with me. They should have let me handle my
own love life; they should have let me be the judge.
I found myself in the same
predicament the two times I was divorced. I had to learn how to date again when
I divorced in my early forties and then again in my early fifties.
Dating sucks, regardless the age,
so it is best to know what you want from it.
In the first place, it is best to
know what you will and will not do. My children were young the first time I got
divorced so I had to consider who I introduced
to them and who I dated. My kids were grown and gone the second time I
found myself single but I still had to consider who I dated.
I only dated people I liked. Isn’t that why you want to spend time with
them? And the feeling should be mutual. Regardless what the world wants you to
think dating doesn’t always have to lead to intimacy. I was clear about that
and it cut down on who I dated, but sometimes all I needed was a companion or
an escort/date and I wanted it to end that evening and not the next morning
over coffee and breakfast.
Right before I met HoneyBunch I went
on a Speed Date. I was writing a singles
column for boomer–aged women and needed first-hand knowledge. The whole
experience reminded me of my high school dating life. One man was recently
widowed and was desperately lonely. Another was an aging Adonis with gold
chains around his neck and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt. A third one was an anti-Hispanic racist who
told me straight out I wasn’t his type. There were some men and women who
instantly connected with each other so interviewing them was a waste of time.
There were two or three that seemed like legit prospects, but I wasn’t looking
for a new beau.
I walked out of there that
evening realizing I have always known how to date – you must respect yourself,
value who you are, and make it very clear to the other person that is what you
expect from them as well.
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