Skip to main content

Nakedness

I grew up in a culture where the only time a person is permitted to be naked is at birth, in the bath, and in the privacy of your bedroom; at all other times, a person should be fully clothed.
We settled this in the Garden of Eden: we wear clothes; angels wear robes.
So someone explain to me this rash of successful new TV shows where everyone romps around au naturelle?  I’m talking about the shows on the regular stations, not the ones that take a special subscription and carry an x-rating.
Naked and Afraid is not about internal conflict.  It’s folks out in the wilderness trying to survive in the altogether.  I live in the wilderness.  We country folk would never dare to venture out among the biting insects and poison ivy without covering as much skin as possible.  We know better than to encounter a skunk, chiggers, or a rattler wearing only our bifocals.
Dating Naked is another such show. In my day, dating was an opportunity to spend quality time with a person we liked and wanted to know better. We wanted to eventually see them naked, but most often not on the first date. The couples on this show are not concerned about each other’s souls, nor do they discuss existentialist ideals. They like being naked and want to be around other naked people. They worry more about their grooming and physical appearance than regular folks because they cannot rely on the magic of Spanx. On the up side, they spend less time and money on their wardrobes.   
Buying Naked?  What on earth is that about?  I watched one show where the couple was in the process of buying a house, so I have no idea if the show explores other naked retail opportunities. I could not envision my real estate agent friends meeting with nude clients, chauffeuring them around naked in their family vans to “look at” houses, or vetting neighborhood HOA’s on their tolerance towards home owners who prefer to prune their pecan trees in the nude.
What on earth is next? 
Cooking Naked? I have had frightening encounters while frying bacon and steaming broccoli.  I have had near misses with my Ginsu knife.  Why would anyone want to cook without the benefit of clothes, an oven mitt, and an apron?  
What about Naked Court?  Every time I have been called to show for jury duty, it has been accompanied with a stringent dress code reminder. How could anyone be taken serious in a small claims court when all you claim to own is in plain view except for your earrings, a watch, and maybe some tattoos?
Nope, nudity should stay where it belongs – at birth, in the bathroom, and in the privacy of one’s bedroom.  Say NO! to nakedness.



Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy Breastday to Me!

I gave myself a very special birthday present this year – I had surgery. Before you think it was to increase, decrease, or “lift” something, let me tell you it was not cosmetic (though I could probably use a few nips and tucks at my age; the infinite number of creams I buy OTC are not working their promised magic). About four or five months ago, I discovered a hard lump about the size of a large marble in my left armpit.  I had been feeling small pangs of pain in my left chest for several months, but I figured it was just my turn to dance with heart disease.  Everyone in my immediate family is diabetic and suffers from strokes or heart attacks, so I thought – here we go; my turn. I was going to tell my internist about the pangs during my next visit, so imagine my surprise when I discovered the lump. The Drama Queen in me immediately manifested herself – cancer, I thought.  I have cancer. I searched some more and found that the texture on the left side of my left breast felt diffe
9 comments
Read more

Dating Challenged

I stink at dating – always have.   I sputter.   I hyperventilate.   I fail miserably every time. I blame a pathetically underdeveloped gene that got little use before I married in my early twenties, then atrophied, gathering dust and rust, until I became single again in my fifties.   I decided to use this defect to my advantage when I needed to do some investigative reporting a few years back.   While on a newspaper writing assignment on Boomer-aged dating, I sacrificed my dignity and my vanity for the sake of the story (and I got several). Thank goodness, HoneyBunch saved me from all this when we married.  (He comes up with the best dates.) I’ve decided I will “show you mine if you show me yours.”   I will swap dating horror stories with you, but you have to promise to play along. The trick here is to tell about your worst date in 25 words or less.   You must keep it clean and you cannot name names. Our little contest will run only this week and before my next blogger posting.   Me
8 comments
Read more

Grandma’s Dining Table

Twenty five years ago my first husband and I bought a new home with four bedrooms and three baths, but my favorite part of the house was the enormous room you walked into from the front door. It had no dividing wall but the design was to use half of it as a formal living and the other half as a formal dining. From the beginning I decided to make it into one huge dining room that would catch the eye when everyone walked in through the front door of my home.   My three children were very young, but I envisioned them grown and married. We counted five at the time, but one day we would grow to eight, maybe more if we factored in grandchildren, so I bought a table that sat a family of twelve.  My husband thought it silly to look that far ahead and convinced me to buy only ten chairs. The room looked magnificent – the long, majestic table, the ten chairs, the buffet, a couple of real ficus, and a few other nice pieces of furniture – I was pleased. The table lasted longer than t
6 comments
Read more