1.
Invite yourself to the Pity Party. You are not only The Guest of Honor but also
The Hostess.
2.
Prepare the house.
Don’t vacuum. Don’t dust. Don’t
clean the bathroom or the kitchen. A
Pitiful House sets the tone for an excellent Pity Party.
3.
Prepare the food.
Keeping with the mood, set out a mournful menu: the box of dried up
raisins leftover from Christmas baking that have formed a block (no need to
rehydrate them; just tear open the box and lay it on the table), a sleeve of
saltine crackers, and a pitcher of iced tea without the ice.
Hey,
it’s your Pity Party. If they wanted
food, they should have thought about you first and brought you some.
4.
For entertainment, drag out the microphone that
came with the stereo or the Karaoke machine. If you don’t have one, make one
out of a toilet paper or paper towel cardboard tube. Monopolize the conversation with your speech
of woes and moans. Drone on and on about
how your life sucks until your guests start easing out the door, one by
one.
There
will be some diehards, family and friends, who will try to intervene. They will form groups, some a cleanup crew,
another to run out and bring back healthy food for your empty refrigerator, but
the most annoying will be the cheerleaders, full of wisdom and advice.
5.
Get nasty.
Threaten to spill secrets they shared with you that you pinky swore
never to reveal. Believe me that will empty the room quickly. They can see you
are about to blow. You won’t have to say another word.
Once
alone, assess the success of your Pity Party.
You should be proud. You have now
given the Best Pity Party ever! When you set your mind to do something, you let
nothing stand in your way. You should
turn that enormous talent into a positive.
The next time you feel like giving yourself a pity party, put all that
energy into overcoming the obstacles in your way.
Turn your
“woe is me” anthem into “go is me.” You will be awesome!
No comments:
Post a Comment