In Thanksgiving

When the ex-husband decided he wanted a divorce, there was little I could do to stop him.  For almost thirty years, we danced to the same song: he left, he came back with promises, he broke the promises, and he left again.

My marriage and my patience were worn thin.

He swore he had never been happy with me and with his life. I could understand his displeasure with me, but what about his children, his home, his livelihood?  He said this was his one shot at happiness, and so we got divorced.

If you lost everyone and everything in your life, what would you miss most?  What would keep you going?

I tried to understand his motivation but I couldn’t. I liked my life.  I loved my children and my family.  I had friends who rallied around me. I liked my home, my career, and my things.  I had a bed, clothes, food, books.  I had a roof over my head, running water, and an alarm system that helped me feel safe at night.

Other than the divorce, little had changed in my life. I considered myself lucky and blessed.

When I expressed too much optimism to one of my friends one day, she gaped at me and asked why, after all that had happened?  I was surprised she didn’t know me better.  I had my health, my family and friends, my home, my job, my faith. The ex was the unhappy one.  Now that he was gone, I could shine again instead of constantly being blamed for his misery.   

And there is my answer.  I am grateful for my family and my faith. They keep me sane and hopeful. I have hope in my heart and determination in my soul. 

No one can make you happy; only you can find it within yourself.