You know who I am talking about:
that one curmudgeon no one wants to sit next to at dinner or pick up at the air
port or bunk with in the guest bedroom.
He (or she) never has a kind word, makes funny noises whether awake or
asleep, and always wants his way.
The weather is too wet or dry or
cold or hot. The traffic goes to fast or
too slow and where is everyone going? Don’t they know HE alone owns the right
of way and everyone should slow down and move over to the right shoulder while
he parades by?
The food never fits his diet,
gives him gas, and tastes like slop. Everyone should wait on him, wait for him,
or wait until he is finished speaking. No one else’s opinion matters, nor do
their needs or feelings.
If one must have children, they
should be kept quiet and in the other room.
If one must marry, it should be only for the convenience of a personal
valet, shopper, and maid. Spouses and children are only good to fetch and
carry. Why else would one want one? Employees are always at his will.
If he has been coerced into
picking up the tab at a restaurant or a hotel, he gripes and demands the best
service but does not leave a tip, usually though he makes himself scarce when
the bill has to be paid but only after he ordered the most expensive item on
the menu and a few extra items a la carte.
A smile, a kind word, or an
expression of good manners would be out of the question. His presence alone should be compensation enough.
He insults everyone and everything around him, then wonders why everyone avoids
him or brightens the moment he announces his departure. According to him, they
are rude and selfish and stupid.
Thank goodness he has enough intelligence
and charm to make up for their lack.
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